THE CENTER FOR RELATIONSHIPS
AND SEXUALITY
THE CENTER FOR RELATIONSHIPS
AND SEXUALITY
Relationships beyond standard scripts
People create intimate lives in many forms.
You will not be asked to defend your life merely because it is unfamiliar to others or being challenged by them.
At the same time, affirmation does not require us to ignore real conflict. A freely chosen relationship structure can still contain jealousy, betrayal, asymmetry, coercion, loneliness, confusion, unequal power, incompatible expectations, or grief.
The task is neither to endorse nor to condemn the structure. It is to understand the actual relationship.
Relationships take many forms
I work with individuals, couples, and multiple partners involved in or considering:
01
Monogamous and conventionally structured relationships
Relationships that follow familiar structures may still involve difficult questions of intimacy, desire, commitment, exclusivity, and change.
02
Kink, BDSM, and power exchange
Relationships involving kink, BDSM, erotic authority, submission, or negotiated power exchange.
03
Polyamory, open relationships, and consensual nonmonogamy
Relationships involving multiple partners, openness, negotiated exclusivity, or other forms of consensual nonmonogamy.
04
Mixed orientation or mixed erotic style
Partnerships in which people differ significantly in sexual orientation, erotic interests, desire, or preferred forms of intimacy.
05
Age-gap and differing
life-stage relationships
Age-gap relationships and partnerships involving significant differences in life stage.
06
Relationships beyond conventional assumptions
Relationships that do not fit conventional assumptions about sex, exclusivity, gender, age, spirituality, or partnership.
Common reasons people seek help
- partners want a more thoughtful and satisfying erotic life
- shame or secrecy prevents honest communication
- partners disagree about opening or closing a relationship
- jealousy or fear has become overwhelming
- spiritual or philosophical ideals are being used to avoid emotional realities
- a relationship structure is being used to avoid a more fundamental problem
- an agreement has been broken
- one partner desires kink or nonmonogamy and another does not
- the ideal of polyamory is colliding with the emotional reality
- a power exchange has become confused or unsafe
- boundaries exist on paper but do not work in practice
- one person feels replaceable, neglected, or less powerful
Beyond “communication skills”
Clear communication matters, but intimate problems rarely arise from communication issues alone.
A relationship may also be shaped by attachment, unconscious expectation, old injuries, differences in erotic organization, fear of dependence, the wish for freedom, spiritual aspiration, the need for recognition, or the meanings assigned to exclusivity and commitment.
Sometimes the work leads toward repair. Sometimes it reveals a fundamental incompatibility. Sometimes a relationship needs a different structure. Sometimes the structure is not the central issue at all.
The purpose is to help you understand what each person is actually asking of and desiring in a relationship—and what the relationship can truthfully sustain.